Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Happy Phallic New Years from William the One-Eyed Penis Monster

I swear I didn't do it on purpose, though some of those who know me well may say otherwise. I was browsing on Etsy.com as usual, and came across a the items below, which led me to realize there is an awful lot of phallic things on this website? So for the approaching New Years brouhaha, I thought I'd inject a little penis into all of your lives, beginning with "Mick And Keith, The Testicles."

How could you not want to celebrate the New Years with a pair of balls named aver the Rolling Stones?  And to make it better, they're blue (which a lot of men will probably have when their New Year's kiss leads to nothing more!) You can purchase these here for $12.

In further testimony to azure-hued testicles are another pair of adorable blue balls below:


These adorably knitted blue balls look rather sad, don't they? Or maybe it's frustration from not being able to achieve any sort of stress relief.  Relieve your stress with these blue guys and purchase them here for $20.

Now those blue balls may just be blue because it's been so cold (well maybe not here in Hawaii, but it's blizzarding on the East Coast. Keep them stones from being stone cold by purchasing a willie warmer, shown below:


Ah, aren't those jewels nice and toasty now?  I'm sure you men have always wanted a willie warmer -something you've dreamed about,but never purchased. Well you can get it now by buying it here for $15.

Last but not least, I found you some penis to snuggle with. Yes, snuggle with:

 
That, sirs, would be William the One-Eyed Penis Monster, and probably the only penis you could ever call adorable.  He's even handmade and washable. Tuck on your Willie Warmer and snuggle under the covers with William the One-Eyed Penis monster. You can purchase him here for $20.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Happy Zombiemas: The Zombie Apocalypse

We all know that the Zombie Apocalypse is upon us, so we need to get ready by...erm, um...giving our favorite zombie lovers zombie-themed gifts! What better place is there to find such things (as usual), then on www.Etsy.com?

I've managed to find quite a few interesting things there, very varied, very fun, and very much to get you into survival mode.

First up:  Blend into the zombie crowd and pretend to be one of them by wearing these great "Mmmmm Brains Earrings."

Declare your love of brains with these handmade earrings! They are hand-sculpted out of polymer clay and each earring is made-to-order, ensuring that every single one is unique.  The earrings cost $12.00 and are available to order here.

Zombie defense is in full swing with this "Resident Evil Zombie Apocalypse Travel Mug" offered on Etsy.

In the event of an outbreak, you and your friends will be able to fight of zombies with your own mugful of Zombie Serum.  This mug holds a generous 16 ounces and fits in most automobile drink cup holders. It features a plastic spill-proof lid with thumb slide. This mug is available here for $19.95.

Even Ducks aren't safe when it comes to the Zombie Apocalypse (and the writer, being an Oregon Ducks fan, loves Ducks). Know how to spot them by purchasing a custom "Zombie Rubber Duck," made to your own specifications (only you will know what kind of Zombie Ducks live in your area).

These Ducks are made to order and can look however you'd like them to, or pick a random zombie creation from the maker.  They cost a mere $10.00 and can be ordered here.

Even food isn't safe during the Zombie Apocalypse, and you'll need to know how to spot your food turning into the undead. Even sweets like cupcakes will slowly change into a brain-eating monster:

According to the zombie cupcake creator: This is "Zomby," the cupcake zombie. He is handmade from polymer clay and stands about 3" tall. He's the most DELICIOUS of the undead! Get a FREE PENDANT of your choice with ANY purchase (cupcake or faux fondant blossom, just let me know which in the "notes to seller!")

A free pendant and a zombie cupcake to base you suspicions of food coming alive on? That's too good to be true. You can purchase "Zomby" here for $25.00.

These are only a handful of Zombie related items on Etsy. Head on over to www.Etsy.com for more items. Happy Zombiemas!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Have a Super World Cup

In honor of the World Cup which commences this weekend, I've decided to take a gander at Etsy to see what kinds of goodies people have to offer for the HUGEST sports event in the world. I was pleased to find that yes, Etsy artists do indeed love the World Cup. Below is a small tasting of what you mind find if you wanted to purchase some of these lovely items.

First up, Doll-type badges of myriad countries you can pin to show your support for whatever country you happen to be rooting for:


They're pretty cute, pretty simple, and pretty affordable. At $15.00 each, you could choose a few countries if you can't decide which country has the most attractive men. Purchase these adorable dolls here.

For all of you Tim Howard fans (one of the most amazing goalies, in my opinion), why not adorn your wrists with a pair of Superman cufflinks?

It's versatile too! You could probably wear them to your geeky friend's wedding and be the talk of the night! Find your Superwoman at the World Cup by wearing these links, $20.00 a pair. Get them here.

While Superwoman are in your pants, why not wow her with your dedication to football by wearing these sexy (ahem) World Cup boxer-briefs:


According to the description:

*These are fully machine washable. Though optional the nicer you are to your clothes, the nicer they look! I recommend machine wash cold tumble dry low inside out. However, if you just throw them in and wash them any way you want, that's fine too. These undies are pretty tough.

Get your tough undies for $30.00 here.

Your Superman cuff links and Super World Cup undies wouldn't be complete without a set of Super Mario World Cup Figurines:

These monkeys will be the final key to win a Footballer's Wife. It comes in a 6 pc. set and goes for $11.99. Get them here.

The World Cup is this Saturday and I will firmly be cheering for the USA to beat England. We can do it, boys!

Sunday, May 23, 2010

A Hairy Experience

Really. Is there anything I can say to explain this? Perhaps I should point out there are 3 bids for this particular item.



Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Kiss Your Colon Goodnight!

No, really. Well, maybe not yours, as in the one in your body, but a stuffed one. Because everyone dreams of owning their very own stuffed colon, right?

In all honesty, this has to be one of the cutest organs I've ever seen (and I don't think I ever thought in my life I'd be writing that sentence whilst being sober). Sigmund the Sigmoid Colon is a plushie that is just adorable; so adorable, that is, that you want to squeeze the shit out of it.



Oh, those wacky people on Etsy will come up with anything and everything! Sigmund's description really takes the crapper:

Description

Sigmund is the gatekeeper of your colon and the one to thank for narrowly averting bathroom accidents!

While he enjoys a considerable amount of movement and flexibility in the body, Sigmund is firmly in charge of both holding and expelling waste.

In the High School of your body, Sigmund was voted “Most Likely to develop Diverticula”

Nothing says:
"Hold on baby!"
quite like a sigmoid!

I almost busted a gut laughing. Sigmund will cost you all of $20.00 and can be purchased here.

Friday, February 12, 2010

It's V-Day! Eat My Heart Out...No Literally, Kinda!

Valentine's Day is on Sunday. I despise Valentine's Day. Granted, I may be single and dateless this year (for first time in years!), but I've always disliked this holiday purely for the reason that if my man is going to show me he loves me, he better do it just because, not because a holiday mandates it.


There are some, whoever, dive into this sappy, pink and red, love-fest head first. Then there are those who take the explosion of hearts literally. This post is for those people. The literal and freaky way of celebrating V-day, courtesy of the folks at Think Geek.


Ever tell someone, "My heart is yours!" Okay, I'm guilty too, but I never thought of giving this clever little plus to prove it:


This heart is not only plush, mind you, it also beats! "Oh look, honey, I didn't only give you my heart, it's alive and still thumping in a sweet, yet completely freaky way! I love you! Where are you going...?" This goody is on sale! $14.99 for your very own thumping heart. Click here to order.



If you want to take it one step further, you can always have your love, erm, ingest your heart for $6.99.


It's gummy! It's yummy (I think?) and it'll give you an element of zombiness to your relationship, because really, that's what I always look for in a man- Zombie Qualities. Hot. I dig guys who want to eat my brains and heart (because they should really ignore the fact that I don't have much boobies to stare at.) Click here to order.

Speaking of horror-flick monsters, what Valentine's day wouldn't be complete without blood? Here are two products that is sure to make your honey squeal with delight:


"Oh honey, we can figure out what your blood type is, and if you're O+, we can pretend to drink your blood!" I think there must be a fetish for that somewhere, and if there is, I want no part of it. The first is obvious, it's a blood type kit. Why you need one, I'm not quite sure, but it's available for $8.99 here.

The other product is a "Blood Caffeinated Energy Potion. I'm including the accompanying picture because it says it all:


I suppose this would be for the Marilyn Manson/Dita von Teese (yes I realize they are now divorced) in you. Or, if you wanna get trendy and pop-culturey, the Bella and Edward in you. Here are the details:

Blood Caffeinated Energy Potion
A great (and gross) energy potion - with the same color, nutrients, and consistency of real blood.
Comes in a resealable, transfusion-style blood bag.
Yummy fruit punch flavor.
Caffeine: 80mg per bag
Energy Blend Includes: Iron, protein, and electrolytes.
Blood Type: D (for delicious)!
Unit Volume: 3.4 fl oz (100ml)


You can get it here for $4.99 - $15.99. Have a happy, hearty, bloody V-day everyone! Imma gonna go sulk in my corner now.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Unicorn Horny

I enjoy unicorns. I especially like Charlie the Unicorn, but give me a mythical cute creature, and I'll probably oooooh and aaaaah over it like it's the cutest thing I've ever seen (surely since the two seconds ago when you showed me a different mythical creature. I'd never wanted to be a unicorn though...until I realized that on etsy, you can purchase goodies to help you make your transition to one-horned equestrian.

If you want to gallop around with a horned head, this is where you can get your very own unicorn headband. The cost for this wonderful headpiece is $33.99, on sale from $44.99. Wow, you even get a deal! I'm going to warn you though that this unicorn headband comes from a maker of adult products, so this may be a weird sex toy for you unicorn-fetishests out there. Have fun? Clean off your horn well after use? A horny horn!

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Cheating With an X-Box 360

I'm going to admit, I'm doing lazy posting today. I have dinner in the oven, and was perusing craigslist, when I came across this post.  Now, most girls I know have been shunted for an X-Box or other console, and this is related to geekiness, so it's forgivable. Read, and enjoy.

My guy is Cheating on me with X-Box 360


Date: 2009-11-27, 11:36PM PST


Ok, I know I'm not perfect. Nobody is. But seriously, I try really hard to be a good girl-friend. I don't send endless, paranoid texts messages to Mr. Guy (as I will refer to him), will try anything in bed - seriously, I've never said no to anything with him, and I have never mentioned "meeting the parents," "our future" or even said, "Could you help me with my car?" Nada. I almost always insist on us paying our own way at dinner or movie - look, we're both broke and I'm not looking for handouts. Plus? I HATE chic-flicks more than any guy, so as a girl friend? I would say I am above average.


Yet, despite all this, Mr. Guy decided to break the bond we shared once X-Box 360 moved into his roommate's house. Suddenly, lying in bed at midnight, I'm thinking he's going to go in for the kiss, but NO! He whispers in my ear, "One more round of Modern Warfare and I'll be back up. You just rest here."

I wake up alone hours later, sneak downstairs and find him making violent thumb war love to the X Box controls, rapidly touching that controller in a way he never did me - super sensitively, but with a firm control. ARG! Screw you, X Box 360 WHORE!

At first I thought, a couple weeks and the fascination will end. It's a new toy, he is a BOY, and... it's Seattle. I think the term "geek-out" came about because it's ATMOSPHERIC here.

Yet, here we are. It's been more than a couple of weeks. No end in sight. He's played over eight, nine, ten plus HOURS straight. I try to be a good sport, really. I've played a couple games (terribly) but after the first week, his skills became so advanced that now I am merely "invited" over to watch him play. No more chatting in coffee shops, no more drinks on the hill, no more.... sex. It's gone. If I happen to bump into Mr. Guy during the day and ask him what he's doing that night, he says he has to "be somewhere."

That "somewhere" is in his living room playing "live" with all his other buddies with X-Box 360.


Oh wait, though, he's not ashamed of this affair. He strides in to tell me what new level he's made it with. How far and how much he can "score" with X Box 360.

His facebook status? Is? A reflection of how he's doing on X Box 360. If X Box 360 is being moody and he can't impress X Box 360 enough to get to the next level... well, he suddenly is "pondering the meaning of life." He got to the next level? His facebook status is "life is awesome and everybody who doesn't savor every moment...." blah, blah, blah.

Look, mr. Guy. If you put even half the amount of time into ANYTHING else other than X Box 360 - you know those dreams you had about making it big? YOU'D BE THERE BY NOW!

I know there is no going back to the way we were before. I've seen it takeover the lives of my brothers, my brother's friends, Mr. Guy's friends.... I can't compete. It doesn't matter what lingerie I wear. This is the end. X Box 360 has worked her bitchy charms and you have fallen. I am only human, and apparently, so are you.

  • Location: Seattle
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1484925978

Monday, January 4, 2010

Hold My Tampon, Mr. T?

Hello lovelies! I've made it somewhat of a resolution to update my blog a bit more often then I used to (hopefully a few times a week).  Because it's been so long since I've last posted, and I know you all are holding your breath in anticipation (which means, basically, all my readers are dead because it's been like, a month and a half), I've decided to post more then one etsy item for your pleasure.  Shall we begin?

Now you all know my love for the Purple People Eater.  Browing Etsy, I found these amazing pair of arm warmers that I would definitely purchase if I lived somewhere cold (Hawaii is not really a great place for anything warmers). Purple People Eater Fingerless Gloves!


Tell me these are not mother-effin' adorable!  These have to be the cutest things I've seen in a while.  I really, really would love to own a pair, but will resist due to being completely impractical. You can get them here for a fairly reasonable price of $15.95.

Next up, is a tribute, once again, to my English Major geekery.  We all know we love words like "pew!" and "buzz" and "bam!" and "nom, nom, nom." Pop quiz, boys and girls, what are those words called?  Why, onomotopoeia, of course!  I bet you all got that one right. Either that or English Fail!  I couldn't resist posting this cute little button that just reminded me of those wonderful days in school:



Oh snap!  It's an onomatopoeia, indeed!  I would proudly wear this pin everywhere if I owned it, and you can proudly wear it to by purchasing it here for a mere $1.00!  It's like the dollar menu of buttons!  Forget your two tacos and wear an onomatopoeia.

I left the one that made me chuckle most for last.  Ever wondered how to keep your tampons warm and protected? Yup, I wonder that every single month, for three to five days. Fear not, ladies, for someone has come up with a solution for you. Why not employ Mr. T to keep your tampons safe and toasty!





Why yes, yes that is a Mr. T tampon holder!  Because, you know, I've always thought, when watching the A-Team, that Mr. T would be the perfect person to hold my tampons. Really. Sure.  And I know you'd like to purchase this, so buy your Mr. T tampon holder (really, girls) here, for $7.00.

That's it for this issue of Hunting for a Wabbit, but I promise to bring you more geeky goodies more often in 2010!