Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Happy Phallic New Years from William the One-Eyed Penis Monster

I swear I didn't do it on purpose, though some of those who know me well may say otherwise. I was browsing on Etsy.com as usual, and came across a the items below, which led me to realize there is an awful lot of phallic things on this website? So for the approaching New Years brouhaha, I thought I'd inject a little penis into all of your lives, beginning with "Mick And Keith, The Testicles."

How could you not want to celebrate the New Years with a pair of balls named aver the Rolling Stones?  And to make it better, they're blue (which a lot of men will probably have when their New Year's kiss leads to nothing more!) You can purchase these here for $12.

In further testimony to azure-hued testicles are another pair of adorable blue balls below:


These adorably knitted blue balls look rather sad, don't they? Or maybe it's frustration from not being able to achieve any sort of stress relief.  Relieve your stress with these blue guys and purchase them here for $20.

Now those blue balls may just be blue because it's been so cold (well maybe not here in Hawaii, but it's blizzarding on the East Coast. Keep them stones from being stone cold by purchasing a willie warmer, shown below:


Ah, aren't those jewels nice and toasty now?  I'm sure you men have always wanted a willie warmer -something you've dreamed about,but never purchased. Well you can get it now by buying it here for $15.

Last but not least, I found you some penis to snuggle with. Yes, snuggle with:

 
That, sirs, would be William the One-Eyed Penis Monster, and probably the only penis you could ever call adorable.  He's even handmade and washable. Tuck on your Willie Warmer and snuggle under the covers with William the One-Eyed Penis monster. You can purchase him here for $20.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Happy Zombiemas: The Zombie Apocalypse

We all know that the Zombie Apocalypse is upon us, so we need to get ready by...erm, um...giving our favorite zombie lovers zombie-themed gifts! What better place is there to find such things (as usual), then on www.Etsy.com?

I've managed to find quite a few interesting things there, very varied, very fun, and very much to get you into survival mode.

First up:  Blend into the zombie crowd and pretend to be one of them by wearing these great "Mmmmm Brains Earrings."

Declare your love of brains with these handmade earrings! They are hand-sculpted out of polymer clay and each earring is made-to-order, ensuring that every single one is unique.  The earrings cost $12.00 and are available to order here.

Zombie defense is in full swing with this "Resident Evil Zombie Apocalypse Travel Mug" offered on Etsy.

In the event of an outbreak, you and your friends will be able to fight of zombies with your own mugful of Zombie Serum.  This mug holds a generous 16 ounces and fits in most automobile drink cup holders. It features a plastic spill-proof lid with thumb slide. This mug is available here for $19.95.

Even Ducks aren't safe when it comes to the Zombie Apocalypse (and the writer, being an Oregon Ducks fan, loves Ducks). Know how to spot them by purchasing a custom "Zombie Rubber Duck," made to your own specifications (only you will know what kind of Zombie Ducks live in your area).

These Ducks are made to order and can look however you'd like them to, or pick a random zombie creation from the maker.  They cost a mere $10.00 and can be ordered here.

Even food isn't safe during the Zombie Apocalypse, and you'll need to know how to spot your food turning into the undead. Even sweets like cupcakes will slowly change into a brain-eating monster:

According to the zombie cupcake creator: This is "Zomby," the cupcake zombie. He is handmade from polymer clay and stands about 3" tall. He's the most DELICIOUS of the undead! Get a FREE PENDANT of your choice with ANY purchase (cupcake or faux fondant blossom, just let me know which in the "notes to seller!")

A free pendant and a zombie cupcake to base you suspicions of food coming alive on? That's too good to be true. You can purchase "Zomby" here for $25.00.

These are only a handful of Zombie related items on Etsy. Head on over to www.Etsy.com for more items. Happy Zombiemas!