Happy Phallic New Years from William the One-Eyed Penis Monster

I swear I didn't do it on purpose, though some of those who know me well may say otherwise. I was browsing on Etsy.com as usual, and came across a the items below, which led me to realize there is an awful lot of phallic things on this website? So for the approaching New Years brouhaha, I thought I'd inject a little penis into all of your lives, beginning with "Mick And Keith, The Testicles."

How could you not want to celebrate the New Years with a pair of balls named aver the Rolling Stones?  And to make it better, they're blue (which a lot of men will probably have when their New Year's kiss leads to nothing more!) You can purchase these here for $12.

In further testimony to azure-hued testicles are another pair of adorable blue balls below:

These adorably knitted blue balls look rather sad, don't they? Or maybe it's frustration from not being able to achieve any sort of stress relief.  Relieve your stress with these blue guys and purchase them here for $20.

Now those blue balls may just be blue because it's been so cold (well maybe not here in Hawaii, but it's blizzarding on the East Coast. Keep them stones from being stone cold by purchasing a willie warmer, shown below:

Ah, aren't those jewels nice and toasty now?  I'm sure you men have always wanted a willie warmer -something you've dreamed about,but never purchased. Well you can get it now by buying it here for $15.

Last but not least, I found you some penis to snuggle with. Yes, snuggle with:

 

That, sirs, would be William the One-Eyed Penis Monster, and probably the only penis you could ever call adorable.  He's even handmade and washable. Tuck on your Willie Warmer and snuggle under the covers with William the One-Eyed Penis monster. You can purchase him here for $20.