Thursday, July 9, 2009

Depressed? Constrict your Anus

Author Hiroyuki Nishigaki believes that you can "Good-bye" Depression by constricting your anus 100 times a day. Really. Want to learn how? You can purchase his book on Amazon:

Here is the product description in full Engrish glory:

Product Description
I think constricting anus 100 times and denting navel 100 times in succession everyday is effective to good-bye depression and take back youth. You can do so at a boring meeting or in a subway. I have known 70-year-old man who has practiced it for 20 years. As a result, he has good complexion and has grown 20 years younger. His eyes sparkle. He is full of vigor, happiness and joy. He has neither complained nor born a grudge under any circumstance. Furthermore, he can make love three times in succession without drawing out.

In addition, he also can have burned a strong beautiful fire within his abdomen. It can burn out the dirty stickiness of his body, release his immaterial fiber or third attention which has been confined to his stickiness. Then, he can shoot out his immaterial fiber or third attention to an object, concentrate on it and attain happy lucky feeling through the success of concentration.

If you don't know concentration which gives you peculiar pleasure, your life looks like a hell.

If you need convincing to buy this book, here's a wonderful review:

Nathan Beauchamp "Dakotad555" (Oak Park, IL USA) - See all my reviews

Now that I have rigorously applied this technique for over one hundred days I can safely say that I am happier than I've ever been in my life. Constricting my anus was at first tiresome, but after a while, I learned to really enjoy the practice. As an added benefit I've freed myself from tiresome, frustratingly long bowl movements. I can now pass even the largest of masses with ease, and most in only a few seconds. So I would have to say that this really is an effective way to regain one's sense of self worth and squeeze the life out of depression once and for all.

Lovely mental image there. In the meanwhile, I'm going to battle any bout of depression like I always do-- gorging on sweet chocolate bliss.

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